Living in the middle of the city and also in the middle of nowhere at the same time. I'm a 10 minute bus ride from a subway station but a half hour walk from any other bus: the rich folk all drive cars, you see. I did discover a secret way to walk along the railway tracks straight to Yonge Street without meandering through endless cul-de-sacs...it'll do till spring comes and I get the bike on the road.
Don't know how long I'll live here. Doesn't feel like home for some reason, possibly due to aforementioned train tracks in lieu of backyard ocean.
I need a job of some sort. My cash savings will only last so long, and murder mysteries are not regular enough at this time of year to pay the bills, also unlike Vancouver, I'm the new guy and lack the seniority to be offered every show...there doesn't seem to be much out there right now, good thing for savings.
I love being able to see Natasha regularly...being a GOOD DAD, best I can. Picking her up after school, going to a movie or a spur-of-the moment Marlies game for $10. Yes, for $10 you can see basically the same AHL team the Leafs have been icing all season- two words for anyone paying to go to the ACC: SUCK-ER!
I DO miss Vancouver, the ocean and mountains on a rare sunny winter's day...the Oyama Sausage Factory...not the high price of basic groceries though...that $6 jar of peanut butter and $13 block of cheese goes for 3 and 7 dollars here, even at so-called 'expensive stores'
Since noone is reading this I may as well pontificate further on the raging debate going on in my head right now without the need to be cryptic...Vancouver wasn't just sea and sausages...if by chance she's reading this right now she may be shocked to see me admit that I fell unexpectedly head over heels in love, and especially since moving out on my own in Hogtown nary a moment goes by that she is not missed.
To find such a love so soon after being married was perhaps unwanted, but not unappreciated, despite whatever 'resistance' I may have manifested out of fear, stupidity, or restlessness.
Moving back to Toronto has forced me to look at that love, and decide if I want it to have a future, whatever sort of future that might be remains mysterious save that it would be free of any type of legal committment: To that is something we have both heartily drunk.
But is it the Safe Choice? It seems to be the easy choice, the expected choice(for both of us) in some ways, the Hard Choice in others...beats being alone, or does it? Certainly takes the pressure off finding anyone ELSE, at our age...in our business...that UNDERSTANDS what we're going through like we both do...if it's the Safe, the Pussy thing to do, then that's never been what I'm about.
I made a mistake long ago that led to certain things that I don't think I could stand repeating...but didn't seem like a mistake at the time.
Shit, it's 2AM..nothing left to do but seek inspiration from the Drowned God:
God of the Sea
Help me to Be
Help me to See
oh, yeah...for those of you that hadn't heard, that's my new religion right there. Made going to church LITERALLY a day at the beach!
3 comments:
got ya! hear ya! but not who you think? still don't get Blogs! but guess the insight would not have been there for me, if not for blogs. Am always a non judgmental ear.
+ enjoy your writing !
Noticed the verification word means MIND in Spanish. Veddy interesting!
While working as a writer on s "Wayne and Shuster" comedy special,we experienced an extended NABET strike. For some reason, the show continued in production. Then one day, I came into work and was told that production had closed down. "Why?" I asked. I was told, "Somebody stole the mustaches."
"Wayne and Shuster" specialized in involved comedy sketches, often in period costumes. Stealing the mustaches effectively brought the production to its knees.
Earl Pomerantz.
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