I've gone back to my roots in a manner of speaking, and taken a part-time job as a Window Cleaner for a company that is cool knowing my availibility only the day before and ditching the next day for an audition or gig.
Sweet!
Apparently they were really impressed with my squeegee action, cuz they're offering me more $$ if the next couple of days are as good as the first.
Whaaaaa?!?!?
The guy I work for, who has been doing this for 4 years, is no Squeegee Wizard himself. Frankly, he blows. Totally misses the corners.
Somehow I've become a top-notch window cleaner despite not having done it for going on 2 years now. How'd that happen?
Well, my Uncle Heinz taught me how to clean windows when I was 14, and my cousin Erick took that to a level of impossible quality with his company, teaching me how to produce the cleanest windows in the universe.
It's at times like this I ask...my dear departed Nona...would it have been SO FUCKING HARD to convert to Judaism? Huh? Instead of Boompa turning in his Heeb card, (and you still hid him in the closet! What was THAT???) Couldn't you have signed us all up to be among the Chosen People so that SHOWBIZ could have been the family tradition instead of slinging a Chamois and a Mop?????????
And just to put a cherry on the day, Reaching into the bucket this afternoon, I sliced my fingers on a rusty razorblade....but fear not, I had the thinking to go down to St.Paul's after work and check with their records from last time I was there (viz: Blog Archives-September 2005) and YESSSS! The nasty gash in my forehead i got on my first night doing Tony n' Tina's Wedding was indeed accompanied by a complimentary Tetanus Shot.
Which brings me to an important point.
Kids, Listen up: According to a no lesser authority than AN EMERGENCY ROOM ATTENDANT(who frankly could have been just a crazy guy in a set of stolen scrubs), Tetanus, contrary to public belief, has NOTHING to do with rust: apparently the skinny is it's DIRT that causes tetanus, so unless that rusty nail has a buncha soil on it, chances of getting the big T are minimal.
And THAT'S one to grow on.
Now you know.
And knowing is half the battle!
me
2 comments:
I knew you had experience cleaning windows, but I had no idea you were an actual Squeegee Wizard! Pratt, you're full of surprises....
Heeb card, huh? Will it help MY career? Where can I sign up for one of those?
Thanks for the helpful pointers about tetanus. I will fear rust no longer!
did i really figure out how to get a comment through? love your style but then I'm biased being your mom. Ineresting thought,, do you think being jewish would have helped? maybe you are right, just watching Mel Brooks on 60 minutes. He makes fun of everyone. He says don't tip toe into show business ..JUMP! guess the window cleaning is a pause in the jump.
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